CRUSHING HIS DREAMS

It May Be the Only Way to Make Yours Come True



In a recent national poll of sixth grade children, both boys and girls were asked what they wanted to become when they grew up.  Impressively enough, a young lady’s dreams far outpace their male counterparts in both scope and complexity (glass ceiling beware).  Up and coming young women aspire to bring joy to the sick and poor, inspire their fellow man to do better, and to bring world peace to, well… the world.  We like to think that a major reason for this sharp rise in expectations is due to fashion magazines like the one you are reading now.  Where as women at one time only thought about nursing, teaching and home care, today’s youth are focused on using their wealth, influence and public personas to make the world a much sexier place to live.  But what about your dreams?  As the generation that bridged that gap between Madonna and Lady Gaga, what bag of dreams are you left holding, and more importantly, has your significant other’s dreams outpaced your own?

When the two of you first met, it was all very cute and playful.  You had decided to pursue a career in cultural linguistics while keeping up your modeling gigs to help pay the bills.  He was a down-and-out playwright who swung a hammer during the day to make enough scratch to keep you in silk underwear.  You two were very much in love, but as time passed, he continued to dream, while you did everything you could to hold together the life you created for him.  After all, it was YOUR apartment that you both moved into, and if dreaming that you’ll get to live in it forever sounds a bit meager compared to his most recent project to bring free shoelaces to inner-city kids, than so be it.  None of your footwear even has shoe laces, and how often do you travel to the inner city? Just because he opened up a small theater program there, doesn’t mean  that you should have to take a bus every time you want to see him.  We agree with you and have come up with some easy to follow steps to help your dreams make his dreams look like last year’s meat sweater.

Step 1: Put a time limit on both of his dreams.  

While he’s been out teaching poor kids how to recite Shakespeare and tie their shoes at the same time, you’ve been slaving away making sure that you’re still better looking than whatever scamp your ex-boyfriend will try to parade at the linguistics soiree next week.  In short, dreams are only useful if you can use them in the here and now.  The next time you’re alone with your beau, ask him to make a short list of what he wants to accomplish before he dies.  While he’s writing down his list of “what may be’s” make sure to attach some digits on the end of them and enter the entire project into a spreadsheet program.  A giant printout from the local copy shop will fit nicely on your bathroom wall and represents the  timetable he is working against.  Passion for his work is great, but you’re tired of telling your mom how many jewelry stores there 

are on the block.  

Step 2: Peer Pressure

Tit for Tat is an English saying meaning “equivalent retaliation”.  In short, don’t think that just because more people ask him what he does for a living, that you’re less important.  In fact, to prove this point, play this little game.   The next time he asks you to come to some hole in the wall fundraiser, invite him out for dinner with your richest friends.  Inevitably, you’ll all end up going to the most expensive place in town, and even if he’s able to keep up with the dinner tab, there’s no way he can afford to bribe the door guy at “Le Shra el Flek”.  With you in tears, and offers from your friends to pay for the evening, Mr. Impressive to the noble set won’t feel so bright and shiny that night when he looks at himself in the mirror.  Make sure to leave the help wanted ads on top of the bills; he’ll get the picture.

Step 3:  Start Taking Things Away

As a last resort, I’m afraid that you’re going to have to get tough on your young man and start removing the little things that bring him happiness, namely your money and affection.  Normally we recommend “rewarding” your partner with little gifts of encouragement, but this is not one of 

those times.  If he can’t see that his charitable work is making you miserable, then you have to make sure that your miserable keeps him from doing charitable work.  To start off, go directly to bed and don’t get out of it for three days.  Don’t talk to him, don’t watch TV,  and don’t even read Insecurity Ragazine (we know what’s wrong with you).  By the end of the second day, he’ll cancel whatever he has scheduled, and by the third day, he’ll be willing to swear off the entire world to make you happy.  Calmly take him up on his offer.  By separating him from the obstacles to your happiness, he’ll have more time to concentrate on you, and give you more time to concentrate on your newfound dreams.

Vikki Gruenloh

In a recent national poll of sixth grade children, both boys and girls were asked what they wanted to become when they grew up.  Impressively enough, a young lady’s dreams far outpace their male counterparts in both scope and complexity (glass ceiling beware).  Up and coming young women aspire to bring joy to the sick and poor, inspire their fellow man to do better, and to bring world peace to, well… the world.  We like to think that a major reason for this sharp rise in expectations is due to fashion magazines like the one you are reading now.  Where as women at one time only thought about nursing, teaching and home care, today’s youth are focused on using their wealth, influence and public personas to make the world a much sexier place to live.  But what about your dreams?  As the generation that bridged that gap between Madonna and Lady Gaga, what bag of dreams are you left holding, and more importantly, has your significant other’s dreams outpaced your own?

When the two of you first met, it was all very cute and playful.  You had decided to pursue a career in cultural linguistics while keeping up your modeling gigs to help pay the bills.  He was a down-and-out playwright who swung a hammer during the day to make enough scratch to keep you in silk underwear.  You two were very much in love, but as time passed, he continued to dream, while you did everything you could to hold together the life you created for him.  After all, it was YOUR apartment that you both moved into, and if dreaming that you’ll get to live in it forever sounds a bit meager compared to his most recent project to bring free shoelaces to inner-city kids, than so be it.  None of your footwear even has shoe laces, and how often do you travel to the inner city? Just because he opened up a small theater program there, doesn’t mean  that you should have to take a bus every time you want to see him.  We agree with you and have come up with some easy to follow steps to help your dreams make his dreams look like last year’s meat sweater.

Step 1: Put a time limit on both of his dreams.  While he’s been out teaching poor kids how to recite Shakespeare and tie their shoes at the same time, you’ve been slaving away making sure that you’re still better looking than whatever scamp your ex-boyfriend will try to parade at the linguistics soiree next week.  In short, dreams are only useful if you can use them in the here and now.  The next time you’re alone with your beau, ask him to make a short list of what he wants to accomplish before he dies.  While he’s writing down his list of “what may be’s” make sure to attach some digits on the end of them and enter the entire project into a spreadsheet program.  A giant printout from the local copy shop will fit nicely on your bathroom wall and represents the  timetable he is working against.  Passion for his work is great, but you’re tired of telling your mom how many jewelry stores there are on the block.  

Step 2: Peer PressureTit for Tat is an English saying meaning “equivalent retaliation”.  In short, don’t think that just because more people ask him what he does for a living, that you’re less important.  In fact, to prove this point, play this little game.   The next time he asks you to come to some hole in the wall fundraiser, invite him out for dinner with your richest friends.  Inevitably, you’ll all end up going to the most expensive place in town, and even if he’s able to keep up with the dinner tab, there’s no way he can afford to bribe the door guy at “Le Shra el Flek”.  With you in tears, and offers from your friends to pay for the evening, Mr. Impressive to the noble set won’t feel so bright and shiny that night when he looks at himself in the mirror.  Make sure to leave the help wanted ads on top of the bills; he’ll get the picture.  Step 3:  Start Taking Things AwayAs a last resort, I’m afraid that you’re going to have to get tough on your young man and start removing the little things that bring him happiness, namely your money and affection.  Normally we recommend “rewarding” your partner with little gifts of encouragement, but this is not one of those times.  If he can’t see that his charitable work is making you miserable, then you have to make sure that your miserable keeps him from doing charitable work.  To start off, go directly to bed and don’t get out of it for three days.  Don’t talk to him, don’t watch TV,  and don’t even read Insecurity Ragazine (we know what’s wrong with you).  By the end of the second day, he’ll cancel whatever he has scheduled, and by the third day, he’ll be willing to swear off the entire world to make you happy.  Calmly take him up on his offer.  By separating him from the obstacles to your happiness, he’ll have more time to concentrate on you, and give you more time to concentrate on your newfound dreams.

Vikki Gruenloh

LIKE THIS ARTICLE?  CLICK THE AD AND SUPPORT THE RAG!