ALTERNATIVE USES FOR YOUR BATHROOM SCALE
1. Soap Dish
Weigh your soap before and after to determine how clean you got/how dirty you really are.
2. Modern Art
Streak the remains of your monthly periods over it. Make sure you are making a statement or make it a continuous work until you finish The Change. Or are you marking a year of celibacy, ticking off the time until you have a baby? Do you only eat one type of food to see how that changes your flow? Whatever you decide, make sure to film it so you can also make a timelapse video of the creation.
3. Lighting Fixture
Use floss to hang it from the ceiling. Add to its sensory appeal by using both minty fresh and/or spicy cinnamon flavors.
4. Aquarium for Leeches
Keeps them handy for your bloodletting treatments.
Palette for mixing your make your own masques and deep conditioners.
6. Toilet Seat Cover
That way when you do feel the urge to weigh your ass, at least either you can’t see the number or you piss on it.
For the drain, cut out where the numbers used to be and make that where you can spit out your toothpaste and what remains of the local fair trade triple chocolate ice cream you just licked from the reusable tub it came in.
8. Pillow Rest when taking a bath
Make sure to take out any batteries first. You don’t want to contaminate your fancy imported Epsom or Dead Sea salts.
Fix it to the number you want it to always read and attach it securely to the wall or still use it to step on. If you see it everyday and you smile, it’s like osmosis.
Close any doors, windows or vents. Turn off any fans. Mix all the chemicals in your bathroom together. You may not even have to set the numbers to count down depending on what toxins you have in your cabinets. Either stay or run. Your choice, you Biggest Loser, you.
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